


Cronus Ampora Fan-Friendsim Route

by FunkMcLovin



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Hiveswap: Friendsim, Pesterquest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:28:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23532328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FunkMcLovin/pseuds/FunkMcLovin
Summary: The MSPA Reader Needs MORE Friends.BASED ON:"https://twitter.com/yoitscro/status/1247284012365819904"
Relationships: Cronus Ampora/MSPA Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 33





	Cronus Ampora Fan-Friendsim Route

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cro](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cro/gifts).



>You sniff the air. What's that scent? The delicious wafts of FRIENDSHIP.

>It's been a while since you've met a new friend. You think you've explored every avenue of friend-making you could, but something tugs at you. Yanks at you, even. Some feeling that there are streets left unexplored.  
>Or possibly specifically twelve streets. Who's to say?  
>These feelings aren't unprompted. Some of your friends say they know about trolls from a whole other planet, one that came before theirs, even.  
>The thought of mutual friends left unfriended fills you with unease.  
>You close your eyes and focus. A white light, now familiar in its awesomeness, shrouds you as you pop out of existence and into...  
>Another one.  
>You look around. Everything looks the same. From the tall light-posts of Alternia to the weird squiggles of their familiar alphabet. Maybe you didn't go anywhere at all?  
CRONUS: Hey, doll.  
>HOLY SHIT.  
CRONUS: Uh.  
>You pant and wheeze. Even though you can go anywhere and do anything, someone getting the drop on you is no less alarming. It's fine, you say.  
CRONUS: Well jeez, I thought you were happy to see me or somethin'.  
>This greasy boy looks sad that you were so alarmed at the sight of him. You feel bad, so you hurriedly explain that you're here looking for someone.  
CRONUS: Well shit, little alien. You've found someone.  
>He slings his arm jocularly around you, fixing you with a lidded gaze and an eyebrow-wiggle. You wish he wouldn't.  
CRONUS: Glad you came along. See, I'm trying to participate in one of these social media memes and I need to make it just right.  
CRONUS: I'm trying to maximize my interactions on Chittr.  
>You know Chittr! Slightly.  
>He opens his palmhusk, showing you the work he's finished on a post.  
>"Post your 3 favorite fictional characters and let people make assumptions about you," it says. There's a blank space for three more pictures.  
CRONUS: I want the characters to be PERFECT, y'know?  
>You tell him you think it's best to just pick your favorite three. He scoffs.  
CRONUS: No one gets mutuals THAT way, little dude.  
CRONUS: Are you going to help me or not?

>HELP CRONUS FIND THE BEST CHARACTERS  
>TELL CRONUS HE'S A BIG SMELLY IDIOT

>You decide, fuck it. You might as well pick up a friend or two on your quest to find MORE friends. Soon, your sphere of buddies will be universal. Dunbar's number be damned!  
CRONUS: Nice.  
CRONUS: How much do you know about pop culture?  
>Wow. You don't know shit about pop culture. You vaguely remember some shows like Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Community? You stammer and gesture vaguely and mention the first character who comes to mind.  
CRONUS: Nice. Buffey the Rainbow Drinker Slaughterer. Cult favorite. Plus it'll score me some points with the femenist crowd.  
>He hastily adds a shittily compressed photo of Troll Sarah Michelle Gellar he hastily googled into the collage. He adds two more, bating a breath before hitting "post."  
CRONUS: Phew. Time to watch the likes and re-chits to flow in. What's your chitter handle, little dude?  
CRONUS: I'll have to check if you're following anyone lame, first, but I'll give you a follow-for-follow.  
>You tell him you don't have one. He smiles an easygoing grin.  
CRONUS: That's probably fine. Don't need the competition.  
>Over the next several minutes, Cronus pulls his husk from his pocket, refreshing his notifications, sighing. You don't know what he's so bumed about, he's already got three likes!  
CRONUS: Ugh, those are all from my lame friends. They barely have any followers at all. Besides, re-chits are the only way to get anyone to follow you.  
CRONUS: Oh shit!  
>His husk pings. His thumbs dance over the screen, eyes glued to the white glow. You're a little tired of this. You're trying to make friends here, not watch Greased Lightning over here check his page.  
CRONUS: Oh shit, oh shit.  
CRONUS: MotherGlubber69 just replied to me! She has like, MILLIONS of followers!  
>You wonder aloud why such a genial, earnest fellow like him has so few followers. Cronus ignores you.  
CRONUS: ...Oh no.  
>Cronus's face falls. You ask what's wrong and he turns the screen towards you.  
"lmao glubbin dumbas i bet you aint even seen any of those shows"  
>MotherGlubber's comment has already recieved a gross more likes and re-chits than Cronus's original post.  
>You put your hand on his shoulder. This might have been stupid, but it obviously meant a lot to him! He sniffles, deflating.

>COMFORT THE BOY  
>ASTRAL PROJECT TO A CRONUS-FREE TIMELINE

>You tell Cronus if there's one thing you know about anything it's that everything has a silver lining! It's a little cliche, but you don't really know him yet. You hope your outburst at least shows you care.  
CRONUS: You know what, little dude? You're right.  
>He slides his phone away, smiling.  
CRONUS: If nothin' else, I can use this in MotherGlubber's callout post. And hey, you know what they say.  
CRONUS: No publicity is bad publicity.  
>Cronus winks. You're not sure why. It's a good saying, but does it warrant a wink? Before you can think any longer about this, Cronus's arm is around you again. You gag- He smells like axe. Trolls have axe?  
CRONUS: I'm going to quit Chittr. It's not good for me.  
>You say that's great! It obviously wasn't doing wonders for his mental health.  
CRONUS: Oh, no, I mean. I'll reactivate my account in a week. It's just a stunt for attention. Don't sweat it, babe.  
>You say you'd rather he not call you-  
CRONUS: Man, I never got a look at you before, but da-yum, little dude. You're not half bad.  
CRONUS: I mean it must take a lot of courage to wear THAT in public.  
>You blink. Cronus has just switched gears from social media parisitism to negging you. You're not sure how to respond and he takes that as a victory.  
CRONUS: Maybe you and me could... Have some drinks?  
>You tell Cronus that he seems nice, but you're not really looking for a relationship right now.  
CRONUS: Well, shit, who said anything about a relationship, babe? Just drinks between two new friends.  
>You know he's probably bullshitting you, but he's just activated your code-word. Like a sleeper agent, you go into a trance, nodding excitedly at him as he leads you down the road towards a little corner cafe.  
CRONUS: This is where I meet up with most of my Tindrpillar matches. C'mon.  
>You both walk inside. The barista asks what you'd like. You're not familiar with the menu, so you hastily recite something you read from the specials menu. Cronus makes a big show to the barista about making you put your wallet away.  
CRONUS: Don't worry! I got it, babe.  
>He speaks loudly enough for the whole cafe to hear, a slimeball smile on his face. He glances around, but no one seems to notice.  
>You both sit. He pulls a tiny compact from his breast-pocket, sliding a comb through his hair, carefully coiffing it around his horns. You sip your drink. It's absolutely repugnant, but he DID pay, so you don't feel bad about setting it aside.  
CRONUS: Thanks for meeting me here, babe.  
>He smiles, and there's a hint of earnestness in there. He even sets down his compact and comb. You still wish he'd stop calling you b-  
CRONUS: It's been a while since I've gotten to hang with someone.  
CRONUS: All my friends have been so busy lately. But hey, you know how friends are.  
>You do! You love your friends, each unique and kind and-  
CRONUS: Shitty and never there for you.  
>Cronus sighs, leaning his face on his hand. He swishes his beverage in the glass. It's putrid-green and has weird chunks in it. You try not to watch as he glugs it down.  
>You laugh nervously. Surely his friends can't be THAT bad.  
CRONUS: They are! All friends ever do is talk to me when they need to feel like someone can pick them up. They're a bunch of leeches.  
CRONUS: I mean, I think they're all dynamite, most of the time, but it's like they take me for granted.  
>You're not sure that his assessment is entirely correct, but his words aren't laced with the usual sleazy film that they usually are.  
CRONUS: They think I like stupid stuff. Like Chittr followers and my personal brand...  
>You decide not to mention that most of that stuff IS pretty stupid.  
CRONUS: ...Or trying to fill my quadrants.  
>Cronus sighed.  
CRONUS: I'd give anything for a connection, you know?  
CRONUS: But when I find someone who cares about me, it's like I just can't be bothered to pay attention to them any more. It sucks.  
>That does suck. You realize you've been listening to him raptly, and he notices to, hurriedly sitting up straight.  
CRONUS: I mean, not that I'm like, desperate or anything.  
>Cronus laughs unconvincingly.  
CRONUS: Besides... Now I've got you, right, babe?  
>You give up on trying to correct his nickname. You open your mouth to speak, but he's already fussing with his hair again.


End file.
